I am currently writing a new argument in my book while I listen to the clean version of Eminem and Rihanna’s “Love The Way You Lie”.

I can identify with that song. Perhaps it’s because the cycle of abuse that took part for so long in my life with my husband.

A spiral of love, hate. Loathing. Desire. Highs. Lows. Ecstasy. Despair.

A treadmill that led to exhaustion and despair.

Why did I so much want to love the way my partner lied?

Why was I so desperate to believe everything that came out of his mouth?

What was the attraction?

Insecurity.

Finding my worth in other peoples’ opinions of me.

                                                                        Craving acceptance.     

Wanting desperately to be loved.

It took me quite some time before I realised that nobody except for God alone was going to fill any of those needs.

Years before I realised the lies I was believing.

Found security in God’s arms.

Unconditional love.

Unlimited acceptance.

And yet, a part of me whispers “it’s not enough.” A part of me wants the giddy rush of adrenaline from a knock down-drag em out fight. A part of me wants to be back there, mired in the muck. A part of me wants to believe a lie.

No need to shake your head. I’m already doing it on my behalf.

What is the attraction?

At its core: rebellion.

A ‘I don’t need you, God. I can handle my life on my own’ attitude.

Which only amplifies my need of a Saviour. Highlights in fluro yellow how unable I am to help myself.

So, do I love the way you lie? The way the devil lies to me?

No.

Instead, I choose to claim God’s promises to me. Stand firm on His word. Trust Him. Love Him. Love truth.

What about you? Are there any lies in your past that you were shackled to? What realizations did you come to about unhealthy relationships?

I’d love to hear from you, and, if you feel comfortable to pray for anything you’d like to share–either through the About Me tab or in the comments.

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